No Shame

Today I’m having a day..I never really share my personal things on social media and few truly know me, my past, anything about my family and my home life.

I have worked so hard to be the woman I am today.
I have screwed up so many times 
I have fallen so many times
I have second guessed myself so many times
I have made choices I should maybe not have made yet I love who I am, who I have become and what I have overcome.
Few know that I come from a past of multiple encounters of sexual and physical abuse. Since I was little.

I was brought up in a home where I was told since a little girl that I wasn’t good enough.
That I had “brain issues”, that I was an “idiot” that I don’t know how to use my brain. 
I wax “destined to end up on the street”
Our upbringing was mostly spent doing chores, raising my smaller siblings, part time work, and loads and loads of betrayal, abuse and neglect.

From parent and family to the people I thought I could rely on at school and work, to “friends”.
I married way too young and struggled with severe darkness, depression, and health issues.
I was diagnosed with Lupus, arthritis, liver issues, iron deficiency, alopecia, severe stomach and skin ulcers, polycystic ovary syndrome, hormonal imbalances to name a few.
I stopped working in a very successful investment banking career to raise my two beautiful children, and had to find myself after 8 years start all over again from the bottom of that career ladder.
I moved countries with no help and eventually made the decision to leave my marriage.
This again affected my circles of people thought I could trust and rely on and I ended up by myself with my two children, stating again.
I recreated myself once more.
Studying psychology part time focussing on trauma and sexual abuse in children then in adults.
I then started studying sexology.
I started a successful business in arts and modelling and became a published model, and recognised abroad for the genre I specialised I photography art.
This by chance lead me straight into the lap of the evil dark side of our current world of exploitation, femicide, human trafficking, child prostitution, sexual assault and sexual abuse.
With the help of the network with my industry I truly believe little changes were made though I had to get out that hole as that was eating me alive and I became severely depressed as I could not save nor help most women and children.
I continued doing my undergrad in psychology however that slowed right down.
After great losses, disappointments, betrayal and grief I found myself once more at rock bottom.
Again, I picked myself up and started yet again a new chapter.
I sit today and reflect this journey as I sit alone and face uncomfortable situations that will ultimately lead to different choices that have to be made.
The confidence and love that I have in myself and that in other women, seems to make some people feel insecure or uncomfortable.
I’m often “told/insulted/accused/judged” for the past I had.
And it is so very strange to me as there is really very little to be judged for and more so very little to hide.
I award successful in pretty all areas of my life and I’m so proud of that.
I have shown up in love, compassion, understanding and trust with every relationship in my life.
I move, walk, sit and exist in my feminine sensual power and I am very aware of my worth and value.
And I aim to shine these qualities so bright that everyone that comes near me walks away with at least a little of that.
Reflecting where I can change and better myself, but also recognising that I should not have to tolerate disrespectful behaviour.
My kindness and tolerance should not be confused with weakness and stupidity.
I grieve the people that no longer serves me and the times we had.
I grieve the space and time I never claimed from those that thought little of me.
But most of all I grieve the loss of the parts of myself I let go because others felt insecure with those parts of me, or didn’t think I was a priority as I believe I am.
There is no shame in feeling 
There is no shame in being 
And there is certainly no shame in being 100% true to yourself - unapologetically ♥️
I make no excuses for the fabulous, sensual and loving person I am that was at any given time a pension administrator, investment risk assessor, property manager, sales manager, key accounts manager, fitness instructor, trainer, councillor, artistic and glamour model, ambassador and activist, photographer, mother, friend, sister, partner and an intellectually hungry student.
My life purpose is to shine and my legacy is to leave as much value with every person I meet.
Unashamedly 
Unapologetically 
I celebrate ME

I share this with you, as I sit here … with it
With the hurt, with the sadness, with the loneliness.
I share this because I know I’m strong and will rise once more every time I stumble, every time I fall, every time a stone is cast, and everytime the abandonment shows up.
I also know that I’m not the only person going through this
Going through difficult moments, decisions that have to be made or just having to heal.
You’re welcome to reach out and chat to me should you need an ear or shoulder.
Otherwise please know you’re not alone and it will be okay.
It will be okay

Love 

Alli